A ONE..OUT OF FIVE.

Technically I’m supposed to be taking a break from writing, (not really a vacation, but I have a lot of schoolwork) but I couldn’t resist talking about this. On my “vacation time” I’ve been looking at a lot of articles, some that have completely infuriated me, some that are thought provoking whether or not you agree with them, and some posts that are just hilarious. But while I read a lot of reviews of games, I just couldn’t trust some of the reviews, either because they were written poorly (a world class understatement) or they use what I believe to be a terrible score system.

First off, I make mistakes and oversights in my articles. Everyone does, it’s what happens when your trying to get your thoughts down and get distracted, or your typing way faster than your brain can think. In addition to that I don’t have an editor, or enough people that consistently comment on my posts who tell me what I did wrong or at least what they disagreed with. I just try to be as clean and on topic as possible, and I read my own work over at least once, to try to cut down on the amount of errors. Thats the best I can do. However reading some reviews lately has brought out legitimate rage against some writers for having such a terrible review of a game. Not a biased review, not a low score of a high rated game, but a poorly written off topic review of a video game that the Yellow M&M could have written better.

If your going to be “cool” and use sarcasm in your posts or reviews, if you feel the need to tell the audience its sarcasm, then it isn’t funny, and shouldn’t be used. See because sarcasm is one of those things thats only funny when the other person gets it on their own. (or they don’t get it at all and just laugh because they feel awkward) But it doesn’t work when you tell them that you are being sarcastic. Neither does stating “this bit sucked” and then not telling the audience why it sucked, what reason it sucked for, or how hard it sucked.

Hey, you know what people really don’t like in reviews? SPOILERS. People read reviews for one of three reasons: One, because people want to know about a game before buying it, specifically whether or not it’s worth a purchase. Two: They’ve already bought the game, and they wanted to know what someone else thought of it, or they just wanted someone to justify their purchase for them. Three: They hated the game, and wanted to make sure that everyone else hated it too, so they don’t feel as bad about waisting money on it. You have an obligation to help those first two categories by making sure that you don’t give away any important details of the game in your review, otherwise your basically that one asshole who was in the Harry Potter line when they released the book and yelled out the ending. At the very least, if you think you’re going to spoil something, the “spoiler alert” sign (in bold too, you lazy bastards) would be extremely helpful.

You know the next topic already. Once again, its time to return to everyone’s favorite word: “BIAS!!!!!”

Here’s the thing. Almost no reviewer (save for maybe the ones at IGN) goes out of their way to make sure certain games get low or high ratings. That means that 95% of the reviewers you come across in your lifetime will be telling their honest opinion of the game they played. Disagreements are bound to happen and thats fine, but calling them biased is a really good way to make you look like an idiot. However we all are a bit biased in some form or another, just not in the way that the asshole that calls us biased wants us to think we are. Games are an experience, not just a bunch of single parts that connect together. Almost no reviewer says to themselves “wow I suck at this game, IT MUST BE THE GAMES FAULT!” and then gives it a low score. It just doesn’t happen, and if it does happen, its probably on a sIte that nobody should be Going to aNyway. While we’re on the topic…

As I said, I have a problem with the way a lot of reviewers score games. This has been covered in numerous blogs and soapboxes already, and everyone has their own personal preference. Remember the old Gamepro reviews? They would give Graphics, Sound, Controls and Fun Factor a score, and then add them up and determine the overall score of a game that way. We all just understood games that way. But as time, technology and gaming evolve, games can’t be scored like that anymore. As I said earlier games are an experience, and they should be scored like one. Everything that you do and don’t like about a game can be integrated into the review without having to score individual pieces of it, such as the way most reviews on G4 are done. Even the Kotaku style, of just listing Pros & Cons of the game surrounding information about it works just as well. Numerical scores are sometimes good, but only if they make sense. I have my own way of giving numerical scores to games (which you’ll see when I start my reviews next week) which I think makes the most sense, but critiquing pieces like graphics, sound and the like don’t give enough freedom to the reviewer to talk about specific points in games that they really enjoyed.

One last thing: If your going to go ahead and review a game, do not play the game on easy mode. Yahtzee is one of the most prominent examples of this. Things are dumbed down for the easy mode of certain games, and therefore you can’t accurately review games that are played on easy, because you aren’t getting the full experience. It is much better to start on normal and play as far as you can than to play a game on easy just to rush through it. Plus if we find out you played it on easy mode and it’s not Demon’s Souls, we’ll laugh at you. There are games that are designed to be difficult, and those it’s okay to play on easy mode, but 9/10 games must be played on at least normal to get the full experience, and the most accurate review.

As I reflect on what I feel are horrendous game reviews, and do so to the point where I’m willing to come off of my break to point them out, I feel as if i’m in danger of becoming a bit of a review snob. I don’t necessarily want that, I’m not saying that all reviews should conform to my standards, but if I read a poor review of a game, it makes me less inclined to buy that game, no matter what the score is. Besides, with all the game companies out to get honest reviewers, or just outright demanding high review scores, or reviewers bargaining for “exclusive reviews”, game reviewers have to keep their integrity high and maintain a level of trust with them, and the people that read their work.

Platforms: Xbox 360, Genres: Action, Publishers: Activision, Electronic Arts, Ubisoft